Compendium of bogus mythology!

THE COMPENDIUM OF bogus legend,folktale & MTHYOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.in a cave,on an island under a fortress is imprisoned, the man/god. his skin covered in sores, he rages continually to see the sun. in the fortress lives an evil sorcerer with a bird's claw for a right hand.
2.a hero is born under a bush which afterwards bursts into flame.
3. once a year a town sacrifices a child by taking it to malevolent wood and throwing it down well.monster is invisible. child chosen by a sign. birthmark. which actually a transfer placed their by town holy man. father of chosen child goes to fight monster.makes monster materialise by making it angry.
shoots it with gun that has bullets of love he was given by town cripple who he befriended. takes proof to town of monster. rips off transfer. exposes holy man who jumps from top of tower.
4.mother given magical womb by a god.she gets pregnant just by imagining her child.child grows up very charismatic. attracts army of acolytes.they storm palace. he becomes tyrant.time of oppression. mother guilty. she begs for audience with him. has proof he her child. once in his prescence she kills him and then herself.forest grows up around palace and trees all turn to stone.
5. a male wizzard and a female wizzard meet at midnight in thunderstorm and fell in love. they have male child. name him seth. omens at his birth. a crow flies up a drainpipe. a man in china and a man in peru cough in unison. a pork pie shaped cloud pauses over sainsburys. but they discover seth has fault. defect. imperfection. HORROR! right hand only 4 fingers. he's one digit down! seth grows up normal way. house full of magic,spells and sorcery.then when he 10 yr old, discovers hand has mind of it's own.he can't control it but whatever it leads him to gives him power and makes him feel good. seth keeps this a deep secret but as power grows so his connection to world diminishes, until at last,a grown man,on thundery night he finds himself alone and afraid. he knows it's the hand. in that dark and terrible night he makes a decision, probably influenced by that movie, evil dead 2. so he buys strong pain killing drugs and a chain saw. in the morning, it is done. the hospital say he is lucky to live. story in paper .evil dead hand horror man alive!slowly he recovers.he leaves hospital. trains as a counsellor with the positive sunflower harmony counselling co-op in brockley, and does good work listening people talk about their probs. at co-op he meets fat janet. she a jellyfish fan. they hit it off. fall in love.they go greek islands for honeymoon. on campsite at santorini during a thunderstorm the goddess of love materialies, in the tent! they wish they'd brought the bigger one with an exterior frame. they saw it in blacks. only 130 euros! the goddess looks a lot like pamela anderson, and she says to seth. you have impressed the gods with your passion!and we grant you this gift! and a lightning bolt came out of her eye and hit seth's arm and a new hand grew! this one with 5,5! fingers!and so it was, seth was made whole, and janet was glad too, because now he could wash the dishes, grandma!