EVERYMAN & FELLOWSHIP

(A modern version of scene from ‘Everyman’ the medieval miracle play.)
(Enter John Everyman. He addresses audience.)

JOHN. Hi. John Everyman. I run a creative design digital media network. We’re at the sharp end of the information highway. (Sighs.) Yadda, yadda, yadda. But having just met ‘ Death’, who informed me, I have to go on a long journey to meet ..(Looks up.) that doesn’t seem quite so important anymore. (Pause.) What am I going to miss most? Golf? Ascot? A private view with Tracey Emin? (Tenderly.) My two boys, Josh and Sebastian. And Belinda of course. Although we have been going through a bit of a rocky patch lately. We did consider counselling, but then we had a row and went off the idea. What can you do? She wants me to go to one of those Tantric sex weekend things. But I find all that new age stuff, too touchy feely. Anyway. All that’s behind me now. Must get moving.

(Pause.) Look! I’ll be honest! The thing I fear most is going alone. Always was the sociable type. If only I could get someone to come with.

(Enter Tony Fellowship.)

Hello! It’s Tony Fellowship! I know him from golf, openings, racing. Just about everything, come to think of it. Tony!

(Tony saunters over.)

TONY. John! Fancy meeting you here? In this busy street in a modern city.

JOHN. Yes. Co-in, or what? Walk?

(They walk and chat.)

So. How’s Biz?

TONY. Oh. Mustn’t grumble. We got the Fairchild contract.

JOHN. Oh well done! Mountains of moolah.

TONY. Yes. Mountains! (Pause.) But money isn’t everything.

JOHN. (Shaking head.) No.

TONY. (Shaking head.) No.

(They walk. John lowers head.)

TONY. You seem a bit despond old boy.

JOHN. Am I?

TONY. Yes. Got a prob?

JOHN. Yes. I’m in trouble.

TONY. Look John. Whatever it is. You can depend on me. I’m your friend.

JOHN. I appreciate that Tony. You’re a brick.

TONY. So. Come on. Out with it. If some bastards done you over I’ll…

JOHN. No. It’s nothing like that. But I am worried. It is bad. Very bad. And if I unload on you, and it’s like too much, then I’ll feel ten times worse. I know I will.

TONY. (Open arms.) John! I won’t let you down!

JOHN. You won’t?

TONY. (Firm.) No.

JOHN. Yeah. You always were there for me.

TONY. (Conviction.) And I always will be! Why. If you were in Hell, not that it exists, I’d go right down there, and get you right out!

JOHN. You would, wouldn’t you.

TONY. Yes. Indubitably. Without doubt.

JOHN. It’s only as much as I deserve, considering.

TONY. Don’t talk about deserving. I’m not doing this because you’re deserving. But if a chap can’t back his words up with actions, what is he? A worm.

JOHN. A louse.

TONY. A worthless fellow. So John. Tell me what it is. And I, rest assured, will stand by you.

(Long pause. I mean long. There is a long pause. John overcomes his inner conflict and then speaks. After a pause.)

JOHN. I met someone or ‘something’and it informed me, and there is no argument about this, I must, I must, I have to go on a long journey, right away, to meet… (Looks up.) And, big and, I need someone to ‘come with’.

(Long pause.)

TONY. Right. (Pause.) Now let’s consider this like rational human beings.

JOHN. Yes. Let’s.

TONY. I have said I won’t let you down. That’s taken as read, isn’t it?

JOHN. Yes.

TONY. Even though, anyone in his right mind, would be just a little scared out of his wits, at such a prospect, I said, I would.

JOHN. You said you would, even go to hell! Not that it exists, and get me right out, should that be the case.

TONY. Yes. I did ‘say’ that. You’re not wrong there. Those words. Yes. I spoke them. (Pause.) But all that aside, important as it is, if we go on this journey, when will we be coming back?

JOHN. Well, never.

TONY. What never?

JOHN. No. Never.

TONY. Just what was this someone or something you met?

JOHN. It was Death.

TONY. DEATH! Well that means then you’re asking me to go on a journey to my certain death! Me! Tony Rupert Fellowship!

Who never had a day off sick in his life! Me! Dead! Gone! (Pause.) I’m not fucking going!

JOHN. But you promised!

TONY. Promised. Promised. That’s putting it a bit strongly. Promised.(Pause.) Look. Ask me anything else. Drugs. Money laundering. Even to go on one of those touchy feely Tantric sex things, but don’t ask me this. I just can’t die. Not today, thank you very much. (Pause.) I’d even go as far as murder.

(John grabs him by the shoulders.)

JOHN. LOOK! I don’t need a murder! I need someone to come with me on that long last road to see … (Looks up.) Remember. Remember all we’ve shared together. When we won the Cup. When we had sex with those 2 girls at Uni. in a field under the stars. Our men’s group vision quest when we all got naked and roared at the moon!!!! For God sakes REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!

(Pause.)

TONY. Good times, bad times. But death is death.

JOHN. (Deflated.) Yes. Out brief can…Yes. You’re right. Well at least walk me to the tube. I must be off.

TONY. I would. Honestly. But I’m due at the Office.

(Tony begins to leave.)

JOHN. (Bitter.) Go on then. Go to your office!

(Tony comes back. Gives John a look.)

JOHN. Don’t worry. I forgive you. Go on. Go and live. Have a long life. I give you my blessing.

TONY. Thanks.

(They hug. Tony exits.)

JOHN. O false and fickle world, my fate is set, I am everything, and nothing yet.





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